78/80!!13.oct.25 
Dear Diary,
Ok it’s 10.36am rn I JUST FINISHED MY CHEM P4!! I have math noncalc at 1pm and I’m certain also that I got 78/80 for my chem p4 I'm so happy!! I’m gonna review stats and sequences… then chill lol cuz for math only stats is where im like ehhhh why do u exist...lol that’s why I'm not rlly into data science but I'm trying to get into it more. Maybe I just, currently lack proper exposure to it.
Okkk ugh I don’t have anything to eat or drink rn I don’t even have water n I’m in this room (no ac/ventilation) alone studying math but it’s fine I feel fine I just don’t wanna eat later again.
START Log - 3.12 p.m.
It’s 3.12pm rn I just finished math non calc BOY. WHAT WAS THAT. I mean it was super easy but there was this really stupid question, I call it the M/R question, where we had to find the smallest value for R but R was an integer aka IT CAN BE NEGATIVE AND GO UP TO NEG INFINITY…istg the question was wrong bro. I literally wrote down this argument in a little box on the side in retaliation; I hope an examiner gets curious and reads it and agrees with me lowkey.
And after the test I spoke to Angela about it and she said she didn’t know one question (I knew the question she was talking abt, I found it easy), then Cheng Hei and the others were discussing the M/R question and he was like “I put 1” (I thought of putting 1 too but then I spiralled into "it can be neg 1, or if it’s 50 it can be -50!" etc) and I told him integers can be negative too and he said “no?? I don’t think so??” Then I was adamant on it and then as I was walking out I suddenly turned back and was like “oh ya you know the question where we had to find if the pole can fit into the cuboid? do you just find the longest diagonal and prove it??” And he was like huh oh yeah yeah that’s what I did and I was walking out complaining loudly, “bro that’s so stupid why is that three marks” and he was laughing and speaking loudly (even as I was outside already) and he said, “haha well it’s kind of easy right!”
I’m eating lunch/dinner rn (3.19pm) and I have bio paper 6 tmr I'm kinda scared just cuz it’s paper 6 it’s like the common sense less theory paper...
I feel so pathetic that I still don’t hate Cheng Hei all that much and that I might even be kind of fond of him because truth is he was dating two of my friends (at separate times ofc..) and got mad when they didn’t want to do sexual stuff w him so idk man I should hate him but I don’t I feel so pathetic for that. I used to like him a lot before I found out he did this stuff and afterwards I started becoming more apathetic and while I don’t like him anymore I still don't feel as apathetic towards him as I realy want to.
Also you know that guy who sexually harassed me when I was thirteen yeah we were handing in our statement of entry’s for registration and he like grabbed onto my chair cuz he was standing and I was sitting and I literally pulled the chair back but oh my god it felt so. I can’t even describe it I immediately left the room.
SIDE NOTE. I feel good actually, I actually have the energy to eat. Still feel kinda guilty but this food is good for once in a long while. Food has been tasting so bland lately.
Side note 2.0: the audacity that my mom has. It’s honestly so annoying, and even makes me mildly angry. She explicitly told me to choose whether my parents go to my graduation or not but then registered herself without telling me, and when I confronted her about it she said, “you told me to!” And then I said I didn’t want her to she got mad and was like “ok then if my friends all ask I’m going to say it’s because you don’t let me come!” And I said ok sure. Then she goes, “I have food poisoning, my head hurts, I purposely didn’t eat medicine so I could fetch you home!” And I said ok. Then she said, “don’t you care about me?! I have a headache and you never care at all!” Wow. Girl I passed out multiple times this week from 10/10 headaches and you called them exam nerves. She literally offered a DERMATOLOGIST when I insisted. The audacity.
She was also making a fuss about how I can’t stay in the car with the engine off because, “your uncle said you’d die! You go listen to him yourself if you don’t believe me!” Girl. There’s a higher risk of CO suffocation with the engine ON. And I can’t die in the car when it’s not fully sealed and the temperature outside isn’t even THAT hot. And I just told her calmly, “engine on risks carbon monoxide suffocation” she couldn’t respond to that cuz she didn’t understand what carbon monoxide or suffocation was lmao so then she deflected into, “well I can’t even close the gate now! Your grandfather will scold me!” And I just calmly told her, “you said you deliberately didn’t eat your medicine so you could fetch me, so you won’t have to listen to him because after you take your medicine you’ll be asleep and won’t be able to hear anything anyway.”
START Log - 5.59 p.m.
I just realised the "tremors" from last night and basically that whole scene where I genuinely felt like this unbalanced pain on only the right side and thought I was having a stroke but then did box breathing and it stopped which made me think it was psychosomatic?? Yeah. Well, right now that really has manifested into real pain somehow because my arm muscles are genuinely cramped right now somehow. I'm honestly still a little confused on what exactly happened, like why did I suddenly just start shaking, why was there sudden pain, why is it still there the next day...But I guess there's really no point in dwelling on it now, right?