im fine17.oct.25 
Dear Diary,
Help I’m really scared there’s this loud noise outside (I think) and it sounds like I don’t know it’s like circulating it’s loud then it subsides then it’s loud again it sounds like wind and rain but not and it sounds like hail but not it sounds like a motor engine gone rogue but there’s no exhaust sounds and when it got super loud just now the crickets started sounding, which means it's a significant enough environmental change and I'm NOT imagining it (found out days later that this was a hurricane...).
START Log - 5.51 a.m.
Ok so UPDATE: I did not sleep...I took a shower and it’s 5.51am now and I still have 71 cards for bio (EZ) GOOD NEWS IS I LITERALLY FINISHED LIKE 100 CARDS WHATFF!!!
START Log - 11.22 a.m.
Lungshurt. Head hurts. I need sleep. I can’t breathe. Finished bio it’s 11.22am I don’t wanna talk about the paper right now :( I’m in the car outside my house I don’t wanna go in. I feel safer here idk. I can go straight to my room, but I’m so tired. I just want to sleep here.
I feel slightly better now I reclined the seat I hate myself so much why did I eat? I shouldn’t have I can’t eat anymore you know I ate three meals yesterday AND strawberries? I can’t eat three meals a day I don’t want to eat anymore I’m eating too much this isn’t disordered undereating this is over eating...
Teacher Ife texted me wtf is this teacher trying to do bro I’m so tired.
tc ife convo log
Ugh Nathan also texted me. And Niko sent me this super weird video of lizzo dancing with a flute.
START Log - 12.07 p.m.
12.07pm. In my room I’ve been doing a few football drills and I was playing with my abacus. I’m getting really good at shooting. I want to be smaller than this. I can’t stand this anymore. I ate my prescribed dose for roxithromycin but I didn’t know if I already ate this morning or if I ate twice this morning I can’t remember when was the last time I ate so I ended up not taking my prescribed dose.
What if I miss a dose? What if I already ate twice today and end up taking too much? What if oh my god I don’t want to lie down I need to move.
START Log - 5.15 p.m.
It’s 5.15pm right now I honestly think I did try my best to rest but I was extremely restless I still coded and I also ate dinner today and yeah I added to the “lateness” doc thing and also a new section. I’ll try to just go offscreen for a few hours and maybe take a shower too and actually rest I feel much better than in the morning and my eyes feel tired but not so tired that I need sleep which is annoying cuz I WANT to sleep but I wanna shower first so idk.
Also just to update on what happened before my exam, I was happy for some reason and I started pacing in my room while reciting the answers for my anki cards and I actually managed to finish the ~200 anki cards right before my exam, I was reciting even in the registration room and people were looking at me and laughing weirdly but again I don't care cuz I FINISHED MY CARDS!! I was actually so happy and Teacher Shalini even commented on it, she was like, "You look very happy today?".
And good god, that exam was SO BORING (probably the most boring this whole exam season). There wasn't a single neuroscience/biotech/genetic mod question (my favs...), it was like 90% environmental and plant questions, which is the ONLY topic I hate in the entirety of science, aka ANYTHING to do with farming or the environment. It's so untechnical and bleh. At least there were taxonomy questions and also 1 super easy question about the heart (I wish they made this harder, would've made the exam less boring), and also one reproductive question (THIS WAS SO RANDOM it was actually comedic), and the exam was really easy overall.