19/11/2025 | 11.16a.m. - i feel so inspired rn to publish a research paper/article through jei
10/11/2025 | 12.00p.m. - im so done with life
24/10/2025 | 6.09a.m. - pulled an all-nighter. tried a custom layout thing. also read angela he's blog on game dev! + i wanna write the list of things im gonna be doing with months off :)
22/10/2025 | 8.12a.m. - finishing igcses strong :)
16/10/2025 | 02.15a.m. - yup im up at 2a.m. tonight...I woke up at around 12a.m. from this loud noise form the roof and studied chem p6 for a while (znotes) then...oh yeah! checked spacehey, gonna upd that, and also added a new section to my life story (private blog) recently + i tried to start a notebooks page but the graphics weren't working out :( i even took out all my physical notebooks all excited to get them all documented! oh well, i'll try again another time!
13/10/2025 | 10.49a.m. - i finsihed my chem p4 a while ago and im really certain i got 78/80 for it! im so happy :) now prepping for math by reviewing stats and sequences!
12/10/2025 | 5.48p.m. - im doing very light studying for math rn and i actually have this visceral fear like acid in my mouth kind of fear that the test will be TOO easy. like literally last time i finished in 30min and had to sleep for the rest of the 1hr30min and got 99 on one paper and 97 on the other im BRO this is such a weird fear lol
12/10/2025 | 1.24p.m. - gotta stop playing around...added some school/motiv vids into the archive n gonna go shower now!
12/10/2025 | 7.46a.m. - i think i almost attempted suicide last night wtf
11/10/2025 | 12.10p.m. - just did football drills n I feel so good holy shit there's ACTUAL improvement. I can actually shoot now. my stomach rlly hurts rn tho?
11/10/2025 | 10.15a.m. - how do i actually. assess if im being dramatic or not??
Any short-term info on the go!
ideas/openings:
AS Level
age: sweet 16
pronouns: she/her
languages: english/chinese
Hello! My name is not really Eidosa, but feel free to call me that. (Fun fact: It originates from the Greek word Eidos, meaning idea.) I love many things, all of which are listed here, so feel free to have a look around :) I'm particularly interested in mecheng and electricaleng / physics / math generally! (I am very much a STEM person lol). This site was made for myself, so I really don't expect anyone to be here, though I don't quite mind if that's the case.
P.S. there's also a chatbox right at the bottom left of this page, so leave a message!

This is where I discuss characters I relate to on a deep level, and how I relate to them!
Sublime Bartlett, from Miraculous Ladybug. Finally!! After 10 long years, there's a character I can relate to completely from my childhood show 😳! Anyway, the particular scenes that resonated with me the most were from the episode, "Sublimation". I knew she was going to hit me deep when Marinette pulled down the drawing board and started listing out all her achievements...While I'm no athlete, the multiple instruments, languages, public speaking, gold medals, accolades, etc. etc. were so on point. But there is another scene, which is where I connected to her not just on the basis of achievement but emotion; she said something adjacent to
"I will win, and I won't let anyone hold me back, least of all you"
in a very harsh tone and it mimicks the exact way I speak to myself,, especially at times where I feel like there's a second "self" holding me back and shouldn't exist (manifestation of fear / emotional turmoil generally / neglect of the self).
Starting on a more positive note here! I resonated with Hiro from the very start of the movie Big Hero 6, especially this quote:
”I have to go here. If I don't go to this nerd school, I'm gonna lose my mind. How do I get in?”
and generally the whole “it’s the first time I feel like someone can actually teach me something”, is exactly how I felt when I first stumbled upon open source college lectures! This is not to say my current highschool curriculum is extremely easy, but it does get boring to stick within its limits, and it felt like everything there can easily be self-taught. Hiro’s desperation to get into SFIT also almost exactly mirrors the way I wish to get into MIT; I’m not doing certain things for the sole purpose of being accepted, but I do want to be the best that I can and hope that I would get accepted, because man! I’ve never seen a college that’s a better fit for me.
Now the darker note, from the manga, Baymax specifically, the way Hiro was dubbed as a genius / child prodigy and alienated from his peers, growing distant, antisocial, then eventually back to curiosity and science…yeah that about sums it up. But there’s also the way he dealt with the loss of Tadashi, the isolation, the heavy yet light nothingness. Generally, I just relate to his emotional / intellectual landscape a lot, both at the same time.
tw: suicidal ideation
Yes! Rumi from K-pop Demon Hunters. Honestly, when my friend first watched it and recommended it to me, he said that there’s this character that is eerily like me from the movie, and I just brushed it off, but then I actually sat down and watched the movie, and man, he was right, because I connected to Rumi on a dangerous level. The scene where she went to Healer Han and he said something adjacent to how she “puts up walls” and she replies “I’m just focused (on my goal)” (which btw, is such a me response, but I’ll tie that back to my larger philosophy later) and he replies with “excessive focus can result in neglect of other aspects of life, resulting in self-imposed isolation”.
This “isolation” is not just from the external world, but also isolation from her own self through neglecting it (shown in the way she dismisses early signs of her voice struggling and pushes forward the release date of Golden regardless). Pushing forward the release date also shows her unrelenting:
And the thing about Rumi is that, she’s entirely aware of that, she’s just in denial because admitting it would mean: 1. She’s bothered by it, and 2. Her goal is no longer guaranteed. This ties back to my larger philosophy because it states that the neglect of self (emotionally, somewhat physically, as long as it does not adversely affect the road to the end-goal) would guarantee an impossibly large goal because if I’m willing to do whatever it takes to achieve it, more specifically, because I don’t care if I’m the cost to achieving that goal. This self-sacrificial martyrdom is obviously not the healthiest mindset, but it is mine (I might deep dive into this in a blog post in the future).
Besides that, revealing her true feelings on the matter would also jeopardise her public persona of perceived perfection, even if it were only with her two closest friends. The core traits of which she’s attributed her identity to:
eventually were made out to be flawed, and the moment she felt like all those things can’t happen anymore, she didn’t know what to live for, because what’s left of her is the “demonic side”, impure, evil. This really hit home for me because not only did I used to attribute my identity to my voice / performance (singing, public speaking, networking…), similarly my goal of changing the world also stems from not knowing what else to live for. It was originally borne of the fact that I was deeply suicidal from age 10 and needed a reason to go on.
Also, having been perceived as an overachiever for basically all my life (appearances in kindergarten, achievements academically and in other multiple fields…), the moment I even had a small “slip-up” it always felt like the world was about to end for me, especially if it was visible in the public eye, which mirrors the scene where Mira and Zoey realise Rumi’s demonic nature and her reaction to the crack in her falsified perfection. I guess you can call this imposter syndrome, because I never felt truly worthy of being called a genius or a prodigy, I didn’t feel special enough to be in the limelight, but I was in the limelight, I already had recognition and a social presence, and I couldn’t take it back. In fact, I didn’t want to, because in my mind, it’s the same as non-existence if no one knew who you were.
Now, the turning point:
”I CAN STILL FIX IT.”
mirrors the exact way I used to yell in desperation out of the spite of never allowing myself to give up, and in the midst of that, dragging others along to follow my stubborn ideology, if only for my sake. Actually, this is something I’m still working on, and I’m trying my best to balance my need to be resilient and knowing when to let go, and to also not liaise the ones I love in the process. Also, the back and forth between her and Gwi-Ma right before the song “This is What it Sounds Like”, where Gwi-Ma states a fact and she repeats “it is (gone)”, and it was just the mundane repetition and her voice devoid of all emotion that reminded me of the times I would sit / stand motionless, devoid of all thoughts or feelings. Too tired to even think.
Now for something more secondary, I also relate to her relation to Jinu, as I had a similar friendship before (rivalry albeit academically, eventually realising “wait? am I really at odds with the one person who’s more like me than everyone else? who understands me better than I understand myself?”) This line from the song “Free”, when Jinu said this:
”It’s just easy when I’m with you, no one sees me the way you do; I don’t trust it, but I want to.”
is especially resonant to how that friend from my past thought / spoke! Though this is just my perception of them, ofc.
Jessica Chen, from the novel, I Am Not Jessica Chen by Ann Liang.
Some stuff I’ve done so far in my life lol (throughout hs, cuz kindergarten and primary school r pretty irrelevant by this point…)
These are the courses that I'm curently taking in my free time :) From MIT OCW, MIT OLL, etc.!
Not much here haha
Hover for info! <3 Only have whatever's here so far until I can find the time + right image hosting site...
drawing of xie lian from tgcf! drew this for cny
date: feb 2025
tools: watercolour, black pen, pencil
:3
random drawing of a girl i saw on pinterest lol... i remember i got bored and later coated this w/ clear nail polish
date: 3 june 2023
tools: pencil
xie lian from tgcf!! tried starember's art style,, was def a learning curve!
date: 27 jan 2023
tools: pencil, white pen, ibispaintx to enhance glow effect
jellyfishes :3 tried a glow effect using large contrast (dark bg, light/feather borders)
date: 13 jul 2023
tools: watercolour, white pen
XIAO ZHAN!! literally the only celebrity i like! this is a drwing of him as wei wuxian from the cn historical/古装 drama chenqingling/陈情令. plz watch it it's so good!! also i drew this on my arduino box lmao electronics + xz = love fr
date: 11 sept 2023
tools: pencil
it was like 3.38a.m. and my wifi was down but i was bored and i remembered i had an inazuma eleven episode downloaded so i opened up a random scene (from ie orion btw) and ripped a page from my school notebook n started drawing w some random pencil lol! here featuring nosaka, kazemaru n endou gk
date: 5 dec 2021
tools: pencil
third ever hirono!
date: 30 june 2025
series: hirono ~ le petit prince
figurine: the little prince (super secret)
my first ever hirono :)
date: 26 june 2025
series: hirono ~ reshape
figurine: drowning
my second try at the nezha blind bags! not popmart but I love them sm! I was so lucky to get the two secrets (nezha and aobing) AND also aoguang?? opened this in store and the store owner started yelling lol
date: 12 june 2025
series: nezha ~ 排排坐盲袋
figurines (top to bottom): nezha (lotus), aoguang, aobing (lotus)
ACK I love this sm. cute gift after my final igcse add math test!
date: 10 oct 2025
series: butter bear (funism)
figurine: beary cool
Displaying 3 of 3 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
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Eidosa<3
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Can y’all tell i loove big hero 6 lol |
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Eidosa<3
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send anything here! (within appropriate bounds ofc...)